My lazy stepson Noah does nothing but lounge around the house all day, so I figured it was time to set him straight. "It's the 4th of July, and all you want to do is sit on the couch? Hell no! Pull down those shorts and let me see what you're working with. Strip off and squeeze into this tiny little patriotic swimsuit." We don't have much time — his mom's out of the house, and this is exactly the kind of Daddy-and-stepson bonding I've been craving. I want to talk to him man to man and show him how to REALLY celebrate the holiday, the right way to enjoy our freedom...